I’m not mad. I’m mourning the loss of a dream. The loss of the person I love. The loss of my best friend. You’ve been gone so long I struggle to remember who you are. The truth is you are both people. You are the one I love. The one who cares for me and is kind. You are also the one who is drowning and I’m too scared to tell you I know. You are soaked in a poison that soothes you but also takes your life a little bit at a time. It takes you away from me. The past has taught me to keep quiet to keep safe. It’s caused me to be triggered relentlessly when the you I love is gone and the other you is here. The pattern is set. I’ve made the mistake again. My vision is clearer now even with the fear. I hope I can stand my ground. So many people are counting on me. I wish you could come with me. It’s not fair to demand that you change and it does no good if you aren’t ready. My dream is dying. I’m not mad but I don’t want to watch you drown anymore. It hurts too much…
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