Clearing the Clutter

One of the best things I ever did was insist that the narcissist remove his stuff from the house we once shared. He hoarded everything from old movies and magazines to food and broken appliances. Nothing of his was ever thrown out, not even shoes the cats used as a litter box. I couldn’t stand the sight of his things and felt like they were swallowing me up in the shadows.

I asked him politely to get his things, but he refused, so I packed up everything and moved it to the garage. Even a two-car garage was not big enough to hold all his stuff, so I asked him again to get his things, and still, he refused. Ultimately, a court order was necessary to motivate him to collect his precious items.

The entire situation was just another way he sought to control me. If I had his things, then he always had a reason to come back and badger me. For years he accused me of still having some of his stuff and even enlisted our young son to smuggle things out of the house to him. Fortunately, our son quickly realized he was being manipulated and told me.

It has been almost eight years since the relationship ended, and just this past summer, the narcissist tried to get my now teenage son to take things from the house to give to him. In truth, the narcissist has multiple storage sheds full of things – so much so that he doesn’t know what he has or where it is – yet he fumes over the possibility that I still have some of his things.

His things are toxic to me, and I want nothing of them, but to the narcissist, they are treasured memories. He holds onto clutter as he holds onto dysfunction and hate. How thankful I am to be free of him and the clutter he finds so valuable.


Author: Undeniably Sara

Abuse is an unfortunate reality in this world and is more than physical assault. The invisible trauma we suffer can result in chronic illness, which is a relentless beast gnawing away at the soundness of mind. Education and support from others are vital in the healing journey.

16 thoughts on “Clearing the Clutter”

  1. The conscious reality of clutter, like any other state of one’s surroundings, is one’s own psyche bubbling to the surface, where it is put on display for everyone to see and read.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a bad first marriage, and I think getting rid of those painful reminders is a way to feel cleansed. I hope that he stays away from you in the future. People like that feed off of negative energy, that’s how they thrive.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I would really like to chat with you sometime if your not to busy. You are the very first person since my whole ordeal that has been able to actually understand in depth what kind of hell I was living and still live. I couldn’t find your email address though. If interested mine is I’m going to be reading every post you’ve written thus far avidly starting today. Thank you so much for liking one of my poems. You have already made a huge impact on my life and don’t even know it yet all because of one like. Best regards, Kim

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow my ex was the same way and well of course he has been using that as an excuse to bother me. It is as though random little items meant more to him than the actual relationship. Now looking back, none of those things were of any value and well everything he had was nothing he worked for…so in reality he was just a very shallow person. People like that I feel like to be their own hurricane standing in the center feeding off all the people and things they hurt and destroy… it just best to stay clear of them.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Glad you stood your ground. Clutter of any type hinders us from growing and moving on to better things for our lives. I have a toxic person in my life and it is hard to move past everything and focus on the good at times. Thanks for posting this ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I had the same issue. He was using it as an excuse to bother me.
    Over time I have managed to clear just about everything. I won’t have anything associated with him in the house itself any more. I noticed the more of his stuff I cleared out the freer I felt.

    Liked by 1 person

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