I always blamed myself and carried the guilt as if it were my punishment for making bad decisions. I was told many times, that I would never stop paying for the mistakes I’ve made. In theory, I agree that we all must live with the consequences of our actions.
Misplaced trust and belief in those who are undeserving of such gifts are my sins. My therapist once asked me to imagine what I could have accomplished if the people in my life offered support and encouragement instead of tearing me down. I choose to focus on the answer to this question rather than continued consequences for my blunders.
The past is unchangeable, but the future is mine. It is a slow and often painful process, this transformation, but I embrace it as my reward for learning from and surviving the past.