My upbringing encouraged me to hold in my emotions and deny my secrets. While this muting was not malicious, it resulted in devastating consequences for my life. A strong person, I was taught, was one who did not react to emotional situations. They restrain themselves and their feelings. Love was one of the emotions kept under wraps in my home including physical and verbal expressions of love.
In the end, hiding the abuse inflicted by the narcissist resulted in physical and emotional illness, job loss, and financial ruin. I can’t help but wonder how different things would be if I were encouraged to share my thoughts and feelings as a child. It is difficult and many times uncomfortable to share my story or “sing my song,” but I know the process is healing, and I am determined to prevail.
True. Emotions should be expressed.
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I was raised in silence. Something my mother has regrets with but she was dealing with the same mental and emotional abuse her kids were dealing with. Being a mother and protector myself it is hard knowing I have allowed suffering for my daughter on my behalf, due to my substance abuse and mental illness. I express verses repress so much today to not live a life of regret like my mother. Coping and healing AND being a mother is extremely hard but we are not alone. Please continue to sing your song because I relate to your version!! Thank you♡
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My mom had a tough childhood, and I understand now how difficult it was for her to raise us. She was remarkably resilient but suffered in silence which is a pattern I hope to break with my children. You are right, being a mother during the healing process is hard but all too common.
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My lovely, I’m not sure how old your children are, but my daughter is now 19 and I have been able to break the chain. My mother was abused as a child and became the abuser. My counselling has taught me that abused children/teens sadly often become the abuser, even if it manifests itself as psychological abuse, OR they become a victim. I became a victim … but have managed to recognise the signs through professional help, “Living with the dominator” programme and a subsequent “Self-Esteem” programme.
My children are aware (not in detail) about my journey and have watched me grow in strength. I am close to my daughter but do not rely on her and protect from the internal struggles. Those, when they come (like the beetles in ‘The Mummy’) I seek solace through my amazing women refuge team. Because I found sharing them with people I assumed were friends, and whom initially would offer a shoulder and some “ooooh dear, just leave him” were simply not qualified to deal effectively with it, and our friendships suffered.
I can’t wait to read more about your story Sara, hear your songs and watch you fly. The view from the sky up here is bloody beautiful! xxxx
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Thank you for the inspiring words. I agree, finding support systems to help break the chain is crucial. I am eager to see the view from a higher perspective and help my children achieve the same.
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You already will be helping them achieve it … the fact you recognise the chain is hugely important.
They will be fine. You are important right now though … you have much to enjoy in life xx
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Living our truth is scary and so hard. Continue singing your song, this reader loves your insightful posts and thinks your song is beautiful 💜🙌🏼
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Thank you very much!
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This is such a raw, emotional post. Thank you for sharing, I think you will help others along with yourself. Sending you good vibes ❤️
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I benefit a great deal from sharing and I hope it is helpful to others too.
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Agreed. I love coming across a blogger who I’ve not seen before but am excited to follow and Sara’s is one of those.
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Thank you very much.
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Have you ever heard the song Brave by Sara Bareilles? It fits really well with what you’re writing about.
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The song did not sound familiar at first so I read the lyrics and I agree that she is saying something similar. Thanks.
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The world’s most abominable cage is the one that keeps us firmly wedged within the walls of our own skull. I’m glad you are seeing your way out.
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Well said.
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Totally identify. I was taught to never feel or respond to anger. Disasterous.
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Yes, disastrous is a good description. I also felt utterly unprepared to deal the presence of strong emotions shown by those outside my family. Expression of emotion was so foreign to me I just froze – not knowing what to do.
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And for me there came a day when my feelings boiled over in the worst way. 👍 There’s always some sort of crisis when one doesn’t deal with emotions properly.
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yup, me too. So disastrous. And so sad. As adults, we are playing catch-up
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Ed Sheeran sings that it’s alright to cry, it’s alright to shake, it’s alright to be vulnerable in life.
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I love Ed Sheeran.
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Yaaay.. I love his music so much… It’s like he knows me quite well. He’s talented.
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Yes I can really relate, I too was raised in a similar fashion and my adult life has been a process of discovering it’s okay to feel. Thanks for your honest post and for sharing your experiences. With love, Sharon
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Wow, I could really relate to this post! Thanks for sharing. Growing up, I felt like I could never tell my parents anything. I’m glad you’re here, and keep writing okay? Take care and God bless 🙂
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Well said Kalyn… Sara writes beautifully and had me in tears
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Thank you for the kind words.
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Thank you.
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Keep singing, we have to 🙂
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https://wordpress.com/post/scarlettsbpdcorner.wordpress.com/207 You are nominated for a Liebster award.
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Thank you for the nomination.
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You’re a smart girl. Know your truth. Sing your song. Emotions are not meant to be held in. We need to speak. We need to sing. Our own song. Our truths. What makes our souls happy.
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Keep being determined alright. The Lord is surely with you.
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