Paying the Price

I am a divorced single mom who struggles to provide for her children, and that is obvious to anyone who knows me.  My divorce was painful, but it was the only way to break free from an abusive family environment.  Providing for my children was something I was always able to do, and during most of my marriage, I supported the entire family.  Ultimately, the chronic abuse left me emotionally and physically ill, and I lost my job.  Now I spend most of my time helping myself and my children heal so that someday we can lead healthy and happy lives.  It may not look like we are doing well, but compared to where we came from we are thriving.  Criticism and judgment from those who have no idea how hard we have fought to survive is nothing more than an uneducated opinion and has no place in our lives.

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Author: Undeniably Sara

Hi, I'm Undeniably Sara. I'm learning how to live well with chronic illnesses by focusing on self-healing with the goal of lifelong health.

31 thoughts on “Paying the Price”

  1. I was an impoverished single mom for years, because I put my children’s well being above financial well-being. It’s a terrible choice to have to make: financial safety while kids are left alone to take out their pain and anger on each other, or the horrible stress of poverty and your children have you there to walk them through healing. SOMEONE is going to pay, aren’t they? I know that my three boys would NOT be where they are now if I had chosen to let them take the hit, instead of me and my credit rating. Two are now in college, and one has graduated and has a great job. What you are doing is painfully hard, but your children will be better, healthier people for having you walk them towards health. And anyone who second-guesses you has absolutely no boundaries.

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    1. When things get tough for us because of financial problems, I remind myself how fortunate we are that we have this time to hear. It is well worth the lack of income to make progress healing. Thanks for your comment.

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  2. Yeah, I learned that people just don’t know how to feel. Like they read the words or hear a story, but to go through something like experiences like that are hard. I’m glad you’re alive and doing what you are doing. People should always share about their lives and testimony to help prevent others from the same sort of problems. Take care Sara, and God bless.

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  3. Hi Sara, I appreciate your honesty in vulnerability. As an individual with chronic illness, I know how detrimental the criticism of others who have no idea what my life entails, can be. Thank you for recently coming along for my journey on Tick Talk.

    I wanted to invite you to check out my other blog as well. Here is the latest post:

    https://thewrongsimustwrite.wordpress.com/2018/01/11/testing-testing-123-research-uncorked/

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Sara, Absolutely true, i believe you, i understand exactly what you are saying, how it affected you, and Praise God and all the angels that you got Away, with your children and are forging forward, i know what you mean and are talking about, i still wonder why did i have to meet this kind of person who i never would have thought would take me to survival mode, i often used to say that i climbed out pulled my self out of a hell hole, even after no longer living w/ this person, but i did, and i still am dealing with some of it in a cruel way throuvh my children, its better sometimes when they completely leave life forever, through my children i am still dealing with betrayal, sabotage, character assasination etc. places i most people dont go to…well i could go on and on… but you see i know what you are talking about and i hate going through it, but it does help a little that you share and to see that there are others and that we can survive…i wish you the best in your journey…i had recovered almost completely because he left our lives for a couple of years so i didnt have to deal with him but then he came back around few years ago…but ofcourse i dont live w/ him
    now that my kids will soon be 18 i have even thought that i might have to get a restraining order in all ways however how do you deal with that when he still has contact w/ your children…so God help me

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    1. It is very difficult when children are involved. I am fortunate in many ways that my abuser lives several hundred miles away now and chooses not to contact myself or our children. I know children benefit from two parents but sometimes a parent can be destructive to the point that absence is the better alternative. My oldest will be eighteen in a few months and the younger two are old enough to express their own opinions. In the back of my mind I still keep my fingers crossed that he doesn’t come back and the kids have the opportunity to grow and mature in a more healthy way. When they are adults they will be better equipped to pursue a relationship with him if they choose. I hope things get better for you and you continue to heal.

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      1. ooh im sorry sara but envy you that he is far and your children are safe from his influence and possibly turning them against you, it happened to me, it feels like your heart is ripped from out of you, its painful when they hurt you but when they take your children like mentally hijack them from you …and you cant do anything about it, you want to rage and just accdept andhope your child realizes it before too much damage is done, you question life, God, sanity…faith…i cant tell you its like your kid joined a cult …and you hope they survive snap out or a miracle..the more you warn the more they look at you crazy soo good for you

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      2. I feel for you, and I am incredibly grateful for my former abuser’s absence. My son was heavily influenced by his father and I understand what you mean when you say it’s like they’ve been mentally hijacked or are in a cult. My son adopted his father’s behaviors and we all suffered for several years because of it. Lots of therapy, love and understanding has helped. My son’s greatest fear is that he will end up like his father and he has had to fight so hard to change his thinking and behaviors. The fact that my son has this additional struggle in life because of his father is unforgivable in my opinion.

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      3. wow Sarah first of all, yes you see…my daughter is the one who finally i admit to myself i see her bahaving like him and it tears me up, wow you know whati mean, can you imagine i am imagingin a horrible future for my dtr bec he has hurt sooo many people in his life and thats only the ones i know of, butttt you give me hope!!! because you say that w/ therapy your son has at least realized it…when right now my kid doesnt think any wrong and doesnt feel bad when she does ….so im afraid im tired!!! im soo tired mentally i dont even know what to say, well my friends tell me thats life, let it go, things will be find, but i find that hard to do right now…, kit hugs and thanks a million!!! for taking the time to talk with me you can imagine how i feel, will start therapy, thats if my kid actually shows up …shes about to turn 18 in april…God BlessYOU!!

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      1. Soo so true, you just dont know, somewhow after what…18 years? i stumbled a few months ago on the internet on or i dont remember how but eventually i read a description of a narc, and i was like….Oh my God thats him, thats my ex, unfortunately….i have found so much so muuuuch on the web …there are many out there ….theres endless youtubes on the subject….so WE NEED A BAND OF ANGELS WARRIORS TO HELP THEIR VICTIMS those of us who actually had kids w/ them especially so that we can SURVIVE, HEAL since we are such loving people

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  5. You are so strong being able to assert this and stand up for yourself and your kids. And I have so much admiration for mom’s who are going it alone, even moreso when they’ve had to persevere through extra hardships. I don’t know if I would have the strength. So, nothing but admiration coming from my way.

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  6. I truly can relate to what you are saying.you are in need. When a person has experienced what you have, I believe that people misunderstand your true needs. I am sure a listening, non judgmental ear, will be the beginning of your healing. If you ever want to chat, I am here. There is beauty in your words! Thank you for sharing.

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  7. You are an amazing inspiration. Thank you for taking care of your family and putting your children first. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and I hope that life continually improves for you and yours from this moment on. 🙂 Blessings

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