The realization and acceptance of my role in past trauma is a driving force for the fear I struggle with daily. The belief that pure chance had brought the narcissist to me was blissfully ignorant. I figured that I had already met my quota of bad luck, and the future had to be brighter.
There may be a small nugget of truth to chance or fate, but the bulls-eye painted on my back is made highly visible to the narcissists seeking to harm me. I tolerate their bad behavior, have no boundaries, and lack of self-confidence.
The knowledge that I still healing amplifies the fear of repeating the past. In response, I reinforce my walls to rest in the safety of solitude, for now. Venturing out is too dangerous until I finish healing.