Escape to Begin Healing

The beginning of my healing journey started with removing myself from an abusive situation and cutting off contact with the person creating it.  The one time I sought help while still in a controlling, abusive relationship I faced fierce retaliation leading me to fear ever seeking help again.  Towards the end of that relationship couples therapy was recommended by the family physician, but as some of you may know, a narcissist does not seek therapy except to prove themselves right and attempt to prove the instability of their partner.  Fortunately, our therapist was very intuitive and experienced with narcissistic behaviors which threw my ex into a furious rage and a near assault on the aging therapist.  This experience crystallized my resolve to escape and pursue a new life.

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Author: Undeniably Sara

Hi, I'm Undeniably Sara. I'm learning how to live well with chronic illnesses by focusing on self-healing with the goal of lifelong health.

24 thoughts on “Escape to Begin Healing”

    1. I’m sorry to hear that your husband has this type of behavior in common with my ex. It is frightening to deal with those types of situations. You are stronger than you may realize. Part of his behavior is designed to make you feel weak. I hope things get better for you.

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    1. I’m sorry to hear about your mom. I was fortunate to have parents who, although very controlling, had my best interests at heart. Therapy, however, was something neither one of them would ever consider doing. I think it is a generational thing and a fear of being labeled “mentally Ill” that influenced them. I hope things get better with your mom.

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      1. You’re right — it was probably a generational thing, and not wanting to be labeled was definitely involved. My mom is now deceased, and I’m trying to work out my issues in therapy.

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      2. I’m sorry to hear about your mom’s passing. My mom passed about four years ago, but when she heard I was in therapy she was angry and disgusted. She felt I had resorted to “paying someone to listed to my problems.” It was a hurtful thing to say but I knew I needed therapy. Mom never held back her opinion.

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      3. My mom never held back her opinions, either. And, I feel like this is wrong, but I just don’t care that she’s dead. She was really sick, so I’m glad she’s no longer suffering, but…I feel like my actual feelings aren’t what society expects.

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      4. Those negative opinions don’t seem to help much, I agree. My mom was very sick for a couple years before she died. Her mechanism for coping with her abusive childhood eventually caught up with her and was the cause of her death. I miss her because she loved me unconditionally even though she could be harsh. There are few people in this world who offer true unconditional love which is something we all need. That being said, I don’t miss her saying mean things to me and making me feel bad. It’s a mix of feelings. I try to tell myself that I need to be able to live with myself and my thoughts. What society thinks is their problem – not mine.

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  1. I am proud of you; I know how difficult leaving an abuser is, I know all too well. I too, am a survivor of domestic violence. Abusers often utilize numerous tactics to ensure their victims remain bound to them. Domestic violence ensnares it’s victims in shackles by physical, psychological, and financial means. It takes great courage to break these shackles, and I am so happy that you are out of that toxic situation. Sending much love, and positive thoughts your way.

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    1. Thank you, Feather. I’m glad to hear you survived your experience with domestic violence. I agree, abusers manipulate on purpose to keep the victim entangled in the relationship by any means at their disposal. An escape is scary and dangerous but absolutely necessary for survival.

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  2. 12yrs ago i was in the same situation …. fleeing with my 2 small children to the safety of a women’s refuge. I remember one evening chatting with 2 other ladies in the home (both had physical injuries) I said to them I felt a fraud being there and they both agreed that although they had physical injuries that my unseen mental injuries would take longer and be harder to heal.
    To this day I don’t really know what I like …. but I know what I was told I like and what HE didn’t like….
    Its good to share stories as it give us all hope

    Hugs xx

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    1. I’m sorry you had to flee with two young children but I’m glad you made it. I understand your feelings about the lack of physical abuse but what incredible insight those two other women had to talk with you about the scars left by psychological abuse. Too many times when no physical injuries are present others may think there is no abuse going on and that is such an ignorant point of view. I also understand how it feels to be told what you do and don’t like by an abusive person. I’m still discovering what I like after all these years. It’s a process…

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  3. I left an abusive relationship thirty years ago. I stayed in a women’s refuge for nearly three months until I was able to organise accommodation for my children and myself. I slowly rebuilt my life.
    I guess I’m commenting because I want you all to know that things do get better. That former life almost feels like it belonged to someone else now. My children are grown up and well adjusted. I’m autistic and not very good with explaining how I feel so I hope this comes across ok. There is a good, fulfilling and positive future ahead of you ❤
    Tracey xx

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    1. Congratulations to you for getting out of an abusive relationship thirty years ago. I know resources for abused women were more limited back then. I think your message comes across clearly. Thank you for reminding us there is hope for a happy future.

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    1. The therapist was wonderful and helped me immensely. I think the doctor was trying to wake me up and spark some change in my views towards my ex. He knew my ex and some of the issues but even I didn’t expect him to lunge towards the therapist in a rage. It was an eye-opening moment and it definitely spurred me to make a change.

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    1. Thank you. The writing process is emotional for me but something I’ve heard over the years of therapy and read in the research I’ve conducted is that processing the trauma is part of the healing process. I notice my feelings towards these awful memories are a little less painful each time I speak or write about them. I don’t expect the pain will ever completely go away but I can see how it can become manageable.

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  4. Thanks for the post. I have experienced narcissistic friends. It’s truly devastating and when you’re in a vulnerable state, it’s easier to fall for their slick words. Suddenly you’re in a relationship with rules and regulations, leading to sadness. However, once you realize what’s going on, you do have to completely cut it off!

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