I remember planning my future, where I’d go to college, what I’d study, and how my future career would allow for some flexibility for the unexpected. It was a logical, researched and well-thought-out plan.
I’ve come to realize much of the anxiety, distress, and ultimately dis-ease in my life originated from my stubbornness to follow this plan at all costs. The amount of energy expended trying to control my life depleted my ability to respond to the inevitable “shit show.”
It takes great restraint to focus my efforts on what is happening right now rather than attempting a stranglehold on the cornucopia of “what ifs.” Now, my plan is like following a map to a destination unbeknownst to me. The map helps guide me, but I must find my own way.
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I had a similar experience. In my late years of high school I had high hopes and the perfect life plan. Graduate, go to college, land that perfect job and be set for life. Sticking to it, following the wrong plan at times and making few mistakes all caused a lot of anxiety, depression and stress. It actually led to a complete let down and the complete opposite of what I planned for. Than life happened, things changed and the more I got to know myself, what worked for me and I went with those changes my life 10 years later is getting back into order and where I want to be. It took a lot of work though, sucking it up at times, not being so hard on myself, rolling with the changes cause sometimes we need to do things that were not part of that perfect plan etc and I am a lot happier now because of it. Mind you my anxiety and other devils are still hard to keep in check today.
Still trying to figure out those challenges.
I am glad you have made some self discoveries for yourself and it is important to focus on the now. 🙂
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It’s so difficult to learn this lesson – I’m 40 and still learning it – but it’s so important to be able to be flexible. Kudos to your for developing the ability!
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I believe a big factor in resilience is the ability to adapt, change your goals, your plans, even your dreams, make new ones, baby steps, focus on any achievement no matter how small. Just keep going in the best way you can xx
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I had one plan when I was with the toxic individual. It was my either things get better by a certain time or it was over but part of me always believed it would one day become a great relationship. I had a hard time accepting that it was never going to be what I thought it would become but I did plan for the end of the relationship too. However I was still blindsided when I began to realise the true nature of the non-relationship.
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I understand this feeling all too well. I was a straight-A student/ teacher’s pet throughout my entire school career. I was even my high school guidance counselor’s favorite student. I thought my life was going to be a breeze, complete with a high-paying exciting career, maybe kids later on, and finding an amazing husband. The perfect American girl’s dream, right?
Well, when the kid came well before I anticipated, it threw that entire plan into the garbage disposal. Now, two wonderful, beautiful children later, I still find myself looking back at that pivotal time and wondering why the hell I gave up so easily and quickly on that dream life.
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