I Love an Overcast Day

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I love an overcast day. I love the rain and snow too. I think its because on a sunny day the world is just too bright for me.

Don’t be Mad

I’m not mad. I’m mourning the loss of a dream and the loss of the person I thought I loved. The loss of my best friend. You’ve been gone so long I struggle to remember who you are and he truth is you are both people. You are the one I care for and the one who cares for me and is kind. You are also the one who is drowning and I’m too scared to tell you I know.

You are soaked in a poison that soothes you but also takes your life a little bit at a time. It takes you away from me and the past has taught me to keep quiet to keep safe. It’s caused me to be triggered relentlessly when the you I care for is gone and the other you is here.

The pattern is set. I’ve made the mistake again. My vision is clearer now even with the fear. I hope I can stand my ground. So many people are counting on me. I wish you could come with me. It’s not fair to demand that you change and it does no good if you aren’t ready. My dream is dying. I’m not mad but I don’t want to watch you drown anymore. It hurts too much.

Today IS Good

TodayisGoodToday feels good. It has been three days since my last migraine attack, and I can think so much clearer. I want to go outside and work in the garden (and I did)! I’m able to spend some time working and cleaning the house, but most of all I’m planning things to do in the future. I’m not naïve enough to think I won’t have another migraine because I know I will, and if they are fewer and farther between then I can heal better.

I finally, after many years, found a doctor who listens to me instead of handing me a bag of pills. Physical Therapy, Dry Needling, Biofeedback and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are all helping me. Today is good. Thank you!

Migraines are Related to Ears

earsI seek out information on migraines because they are a significant part of my life.  What I find most interesting is learning about how my migraines relate to other symptoms I have. Looking back on my life I can remember experiencing some symptoms since childhood.  I also remember observing symptoms in family members.  Recently, I noticed a connection between migraines and my ears.

I have trouble hearing my youngest child sometimes.   I see her lips move and I hear her voice, but don’t understand what she’s saying.  I need to drive or sit in the front seat of a car and stare at the road.  If I don’t, I’m motion sick and vomiting. My ears ring and throb sometimes for no reason. Sometimes, I’m just plain dizzy in every sense of the word.

The trouble hearing is a newer symptom starting in the last couple of years along with the ringing ears. Motion sickness has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.  I remember being dizzy as a child but it only gets worse as I get older.

Johns Hopkins Hospital does a great job of explaining migraine symptoms related to the ear.  For most people, symptoms related to the ear don’t happen at the same time as a migraine. This has been my experience too.  I started experiencing trouble hearing after my migraines became intractable.  I suspect a severe episode of migraine attacks can trigger new symptoms.

The more I learn about migraine symptoms the more empowered I feel to fight back against them. Just knowing my difficulty hearing related to my migraine gives me more reasons to try preventing future attacks. Another reason to exercise, eat right and avoid migraine triggers.  I need my ears, now and for a long time.

 

Preventing My Migraines

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I’ve had migraines for as long as I can remember.  When I was a child I called it being “dizzy” or motion sickness.  As I grew into adulthood I started noticing my triggers, strong smells, bright lights, not eating regularly and not enough sleep. When my migraines became chronic and started seriously impacting my work and family life, I sought medical treatment. The medication worked for a while but in the end I needed more and more medication to get help & the side effects ultimately cost me my job.  Lifestyle change  has helped me cut the number of migraines I get and helped me stop many of them before they take hold.

I avoid strong smells.  I don’t wear perfume, use air freshener or us strong-smelling cleansers.  I can feel certain smells in my head and it hurts.  I can avoid these smells at home, but outside the home I am careful.  Many people wear perfume or cologne, and use air fresheners.  I’ve gotten migraines by riding in a car with someone wearing perfume, or being in a meeting room with air freshener.

I’m sensitive to bright lights, flashing lights and direct sunlight.  Particularly at night when driving.  The lights on other vehicles are so bright I often wear my sunglasses.  Flashing lights from emergency vehicles, turn signals, Christmas lights and signs are a problem.  I need to turn my head and close my eyes.  Hard to do while driving.  I avoid spending much time in the direct sunlight.  I am fair-skinned and burn easily, but the sun also triggers my migraines.

Not eating regularly is also a trigger.  I get irritable, nauseous, and light-headed if I go very long without food. I try to make sure I have food available when I travel, even if it’s just around town.  I don’t have many food triggers, but drinking too much caffeine or eating too much junk food will trigger a migraine.

I need to sleep. I’m not someone who gets by on 4-5 hours of sleep a night.  I need a good 8 hours or more.  During some of my worst migraine episodes, I felt like I could sleep for a couple of years before I felt rested.  When I have migraines I’m absolutely exhausted afterwards.  Sleep is healing for me.  I need it.

I’ve made some serious lifestyle changes to help prevent my migraines.  I no longer work outside the home like I did for so many years.  Being able to stay at home with my kids and limit my obligations outside the home has helped cut the stress in my life.  I’m just not always dependable.  When I have a migraine, I don’t think clearly and I’m totally preoccupied by the pain.

I struggle to exercise and meditate regularly.  When I am able to exercise and meditate daily, I notice a positive change.  It relieves stress, helps me sleep, makes me want to eat better and just plain feels good. It need to find more ways to motivate myself to get on the elliptical.

When a migraine starts, I’ve had success taking an over the counter pain reliever, putting an ice pack on my neck and upper shoulders, and lying down in a dark, cool, quite room.  It doesn’t’ always stop the migraine, but sometimes it does.  I don’t want to ever be on all the medication I was in the past.  I’m sticking with my prevention methods.