Category: Complex PTSD

Longing for the Embrace of Peace

Peace is justified, and the desperate longing for its gentle embrace illuminates the path through the dense forest of fear.  Life continues full of painfully slow and exhausting recovery, yet peace still evades.  Toxic entities are increasingly transparent as they swarm in the light of hope emanating from our open wounds.  With one violent revolution of the earth, one precarious step on the path, sometimes just one excruciating breath at a time, we chase the peace we so valiantly deserve.

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Reduction

Control is an illusion, and the fight against reduction is perpetual.

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Today, Yesterday, Last Week…

Its been going on for weeks now.  Every day feels like an attack from one side or the other.  Just when I think there will be one calm day with somewhat reasonable expectations of me – I get hit again.  Sigh…

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The Map

I remember planning my future, where I’d go to college, what I’d study, and how my future career would allow for some flexibility for the unexpected.  It was a logical, researched and well-thought-out plan.

I’ve come to realize much of the anxiety, distress, and ultimately dis-ease in my life originated from my stubbornness to follow this plan at all costs.  The amount of energy expended trying to control my life depleted my ability to respond to the inevitable “shit show.”

It takes great restraint to focus my efforts on what is happening right now rather than attempting a stranglehold on the cornucopia of “what ifs.”  Now, my plan is like following a map to a destination unbeknownst to me.  The map helps guide me, but I must find my own way.

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The Tangled Mind

The tangled mass of vibrant colors shooting out of the head represents the struggle to make sense of the traumatized mind.  Surviving each day is challenging enough, but we are then faced with explaining the sensation to others.
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To Be Here

Under a tree, its leaves rustling in the midnight breeze

On a swing, dangling above the ground with the child in me

Near the ocean, watching the hypnotic waves cast the taste of salt in the air

Counting the stars, infinity played out before my eyes

Loved by the moon, lighting my world in the darkest of times

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