Peace is justified, and the desperate longing for its gentle embrace illuminates the path through the dense forest of fear. Life continues full of painfully slow and exhausting recovery, yet peace still evades. Toxic entities are increasingly transparent as they swarm in the light of hope emanating from our open wounds. With one violent revolution of the earth, one precarious step on the path, sometimes just one excruciating breath at a time, we chase the peace we so valiantly deserve.
Control is an illusion, and the fight against reduction is perpetual.
Its been going on for weeks now. Every day feels like an attack from one side or the other. Just when I think there will be one calm day with somewhat reasonable expectations of me – I get hit again. Sigh…
I remember planning my future, where I’d go to college, what I’d study, and how my future career would allow for some flexibility for the unexpected. It was a logical, researched and well-thought-out plan.
I’ve come to realize much of the anxiety, distress, and ultimately dis-ease in my life originated from my stubbornness to follow this plan at all costs. The amount of energy expended trying to control my life depleted my ability to respond to the inevitable “shit show.”
It takes great restraint to focus my efforts on what is happening right now rather than attempting a stranglehold on the cornucopia of “what ifs.” Now, my plan is like following a map to a destination unbeknownst to me. The map helps guide me, but I must find my own way.
The tangled mass of vibrant colors shooting out of the head represents the struggle to make sense of the traumatized mind. Surviving each day is challenging enough, but we are then faced with explaining the sensation to others.
Under a tree, its leaves rustling in the midnight breeze
On a swing, dangling above the ground with the child in me
Near the ocean, watching the hypnotic waves cast the taste of salt in the air
Counting the stars, infinity played out before my eyes
Loved by the moon, lighting my world in the darkest of times