Longing for the Embrace of Peace

Peace is justified, and the desperate longing for its gentle embrace illuminates the path through the dense forest of fear.  Life continues full of painfully slow and exhausting recovery, yet peace still evades.  Toxic entities are increasingly transparent as they swarm in the light of hope emanating from our open wounds.  With one violent revolution of the earth, one precarious step on the path, sometimes just one excruciating breath at a time, we chase the peace we so valiantly deserve.

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Reduction

Control is an illusion, and the fight against reduction is perpetual.

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Today, Yesterday, Last Week…

Its been going on for weeks now.  Every day feels like an attack from one side or the other.  Just when I think there will be one calm day with somewhat reasonable expectations of me – I get hit again.  Sigh…

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The Map

I remember planning my future, where I’d go to college, what I’d study, and how my future career would allow for some flexibility for the unexpected.  It was a logical, researched and well-thought-out plan.

I’ve come to realize much of the anxiety, distress, and ultimately dis-ease in my life originated from my stubbornness to follow this plan at all costs.  The amount of energy expended trying to control my life depleted my ability to respond to the inevitable “shit show.”

It takes great restraint to focus my efforts on what is happening right now rather than attempting a stranglehold on the cornucopia of “what ifs.”  Now, my plan is like following a map to a destination unbeknownst to me.  The map helps guide me, but I must find my own way.

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To Be Here

Under a tree, its leaves rustling in the midnight breeze

On a swing, dangling above the ground with the child in me

Near the ocean, watching the hypnotic waves cast the taste of salt in the air

Counting the stars, infinity played out before my eyes

Loved by the moon, lighting my world in the darkest of times

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Breaking Point

The stress, hurt, and fear piles on creating a jagged mountain of distress. Then, all it takes is a feather landing on top or a whisper of breath for it all to come tumbling down.   The taste of blood in the back of my throat, a raging migraine, and my heart beating out of my chest – the consequences of holding it all in for so long.  Afterward, there is clarity and motivation to carry on.
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