I’m finally ready to be friends with my body. We don’t always see eye to eye, but without each other, we aren’t going to get very far. I have abused my body and refused to listen to its calls for help, but it is still willing to be my friend. My body, when cherished and nurtured is my best friend, and I look forward to watching this friendship grow.
I have repeated many things I was too ignorant to repair. At one point I merely thought I just had bad luck with relationships. Many times I was told relationship failures were solely my responsibility. In truth, healthy boundaries were nonexistent in my life, and it took lots of pain and loss for me to see that. Now I understand that because I did not respect myself, I allowed others to disrespect me. So, there is some validity to the statement that my failed relationships were my fault. I failed to repair my broken pieces and that invited manipulative, abusive people into my life. The process of repairing is well underway but still incomplete making me fear any new relationship. I am hopeful that someday I will be well enough to have a healthy relationship. Until then being single and focusing on raising my children is more than enough to fill my days while the repairs continue.
A lesson learned most painfully is often the most effective. I allowed myself to become desperately ill to take care of everyone and everything else. In the end, I was unable to do anything. Once I started caring for myself, I was able to care for others again.
I walk with the Dragon Flies today. I know the time is fleeting but it is spectacular. Little living helicopters with beautiful colors. Blues, greens blacks and all colors of the rainbow sparkling in the sun. Buzzing up and down, side to side furiously. Living fully but quickly. All too soon the Dragon Flies will leave for another year. Tomorrow I walk with the Dragon Flies…
Eat well, get plenty of rest and regular exercise. How many times have I heard this? Enough that it sounds like the adults speaking in a Charlie Brown movie. I don’t believe I’ve followed that advice in the past. I spent too many years eating chips and soda and not a meal. Exercise was no fun. Who wants to get all sweaty and stinky anyway? Sleep is a fantasy with four children. As my mind continues to clear I can see how simple the answer. I can eat well, get plenty of rest and regular exercise. These are now my priorities. It may seem selfish to focus on myself. It would be easier for me to give up. Getting better is hard, but my loved ones deserve to have me healthy and productive. I’m there for them. Everything else will fall into place. I will keep trying every day to improve my health. I will get there by doing the simplest things.