This recent struggle is overwhelming and at times, unbearable. It feels like running a marathon and sensing the finish line is within reach, but suddenly being forced to run with two broken legs. It is the exhaustion setting in along with the absence of rest that weighs so heavily on the body and mind. There is no option to quit. There is no option for failure. I will crawl if I must, dragging these broken and bloody legs behind me to claim the prize – healing, rest and most of all, peace.
This is me today and all of last week with a non-stop migraine. I’ve been out of order but still trying to function. Every task requires so much more effort. I make so many mistakes which take even more time to go back and correct. The pain has subsided – for now, but I am thoroughly exhausted. My body feels heavy and weak. My brain feels like it is swimming in foggy oatmeal and my thoughts are slow and shallow. When I talk, many words are forgotten, slurred or mispronounced. I make no sense, and I recognize the look on my children’s faces. They are worried, scared and try to help me, all the while warning me not to do too much. “We don’t want your migraines to get any worse,” they say. It hurts. It sucks. It scares my children. This is the first time in many months a migraine has lasted more than a day or two. I’m desperate for the end of this episode.