It started innocently enough with a plea to report my whereabouts to keep you from worrying about me because you cared so much. It progressed to protecting me from anyone who may wish to cause harm which included my family. It grew to encompass jealousy of my friends and an intense suspicion of constant infidelity. It escalated to crush any dream of mine that was not intended to glorify you. The final push was to destroy every trace of my dignity by devouring the souls of my children.
I could sacrifice myself because by that point I believed there was nothing left of me but I refused to surrender my children. They had no choice in the matter, no options and the only hope for them was me. It ended with me rising up to claim myself again, for the sake of my children.
We all know how it ended regardless of the fantasy you created to appease yourself and those you currently manipulate. We are healing and are stronger than you can imagine. We will prevail and live in the light, but you will always hide in the shadows of your lies.
I was sick for so many years at work my co-workers never saw me healthy. I was heavily medicated just to function in a partial capacity because of chronic migraines. When the medications stopped working, and the side effects became overwhelming, my dear co-workers thought I was faking illness. Understanding chronic pain is almost impossible for those without the experience. Many times the chronic pain does more than just hurt causing cognitive impairment and changes in brain function. Some people fake illness for personal gain but I gained nothing but more pain and a new struggle – complete financial devastation. Take your negative emotions and resentment about me missing work out of the equation, and you will see I had no reason to fake my illness and pain. When I was at my most desperate, you abandoned me. Someday you may experience an invisible illness, and I hope those in your life support you. I don’t wish for anyone to suffer the same kind of betrayal I did from all of you.
The narcissist spends incalculable hours bragging about his genius and the cesspool of stupidity in which the rest of us exist. He once explained to me that if he told himself something enough times, it would become true. I can still picture him sitting there telling himself he is a genius, an innocent victim, and an excellent father, but that doesn’t make it true. Sucks for who?