This is so very true.
This is so very true.
The opinion of others always came first in my life well above my own. I’ve spent most of my life trying to please others while neglecting myself. Finally, I am ready to take care of myself and do the things I feel are most important. People can say whatever they want, but I know the truth. I must be able to live with myself and my decisions. When I go to sleep at night, I want a clear conscious, so my dreams are my own. I appreciate the opinions of others, but I listen to my own voice now.
I honestly believed there was something wrong with me for a very long time. In truth, I was hurting in silence and just needed an opportunity to heal. Instead, I beat myself up and let others abuse and take advantage of me until I was almost destroyed. A good friend finally told me I was not broken and I should never let anybody make me believe otherwise. Of course, I thought this was just lip service, but there was much truth in that statement. Once I came to an understanding of my pain and its origin I could start healing instead of trying to fix a part of me that was never broken in the first place. It is an entirely different concept.
For years now I’ve feared anyone asking me what I do for a living. Losing my job was embarrassing and hurtful. I would have been angry, but I was in too much pain. My past damaged and broke me and I may very well have trust issues to some extent for the rest of my life. I have picked myself up off the floor, and I am healing and learning about myself. I am starting over and the future looks brighter than it ever has before.
As a child, I loved blowing the seeds of a mature dandelion and watching them float in the sun like tiny white fairies. Over time and with my parent’s obsession to have a pristine, weed-free lawn, I learned to quell my desire. I credit my children for rekindling my love of dandelions. Our front yard is as weed free as I can manage for the sake of our lawn-loving neighbors. The backyard is left to grow dandelions for pure enjoyment and the fairies.
I love this quote because it points out that good is often a mask people wear. Masks are designed to project an image other than the one it covers. Realness is naked and raw. We are unable to hide our real selves indefinitely because we are all naked underneath. I want to see the scars and let mine show because real is better than pretend good.
Discovering that you were a complete stranger to me after thirteen years of marriage was earth-shattering. You painted a picture and spun a story specifically tailored to seduce me into believing you were everything I wanted. I was utterly naive for not realizing people like you existed. My sin was believing you and overlooking every sign that would lead me to see the truth until it was much too late. I do not love you and I never did because you are nothing but pure fiction.